A Problem Pregnancy

We celebrate our youngest child, Lani's 14th birthday today. Funny how things that seemed so important fourteen years ago, don't matter now.

I remember how I worried for weeks how to tell my Mother-in-law that I was pregnant again for the seventh time, more concerned about her reaction than going through labor again.

Bless her good, practical heart, she had not approved of the previous four additions.  But once they arrived and she grew to love them, she was, as always, the wonderful grandmother she had been to the "approved first two."  Stoic and sensible, she couldn't understand why we kept having babies.  Doggone it, seven was too many!

After the sixth baby, my stomach muscles gave up and I looked five months pregnant all the time.  I didn't have long to hide the impractical fact, that defying all social norms and well-meaning advice, we had done the unthinkable and were once again expecting. 

I usually looked pregnant two months sooner than my skinny pregnant friends and was once asked if we were expecting twins.  We definitely needed to tell Grandma soon, but how?

Keith suggested we simply not tell her and wait for her to notice. In Rural Iowa, people freely talk about things behind your back they wouldn't dream of saying to your face.  Considering how polite and proper she was, she might never mention it. 

Pregnant tummies were easier to hide when we lived three states away.  When we moved nine miles away from her, we no longer had that luxury. I considered writing a letter, so she could adjust in the privacy of her own home, and bring up the subject when and if she wanted to.

           

We had sworn three friends to secrecy until we told Keith’s Mom.  Unless you've lived in a small town, you cannot begin to imagine the difficulties of keeping this kind of stuff private. 

I went with a friend to check out a certified nurse midwife in a town thirty minutes away.  Lisa left her son with a mutual friend for the afternoon, explaining we were going to lunch and then shopping. 

The midwife showed us the hospital’s maternity wing.  We enjoyed the tour until we ran into good friends from church visiting an elderly sick relative.  We exchanged greetings and they asked why Lisa and I were at the hospital.  I don’t think well on my feet and gave an ineffective vague answer, then followed the midwife back to the clinic. 


Gary and Carol didn’t take long to put two and two together.  I learned later, they recognized my midwife and there are only so many reasons a woman of child bearing age would follow a midwife around a hospital. 

           

After I'd been home an hour, Lisa called with an urgent tone in her voice. "You're not going to believe this!"

           

"What?" I tried not to panic, but Lisa was sensible and even-tempered and didn't get uptight about much.

"Cheryl knows you're pregnant."  Cheryl being the friend who had watched Lisa's son that afternoon. 

"You're kidding."

"It gets worse."

 I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes.  "I'm listening." 

She heard it from Kelly who heard it from Tara, who heard it from Gloria at church." (names have been changed to protect the guilty parties) 

Amazing!  How frustratingly amazing.

How did someone I didn't know very well know I was pregnant?  And then feel free to post it on the grapevine?  The friends I'd seen at the hospital weren't even home yet so they hadn't tattled on me. Gloria's family attended our church, so if she told one family member, she probably told them all.  I wanted to express my displeasure to her. If I wanted people to know, I would have told them myself. 

Keith said not to worry about it.

Not worry about it!?!  In a town of 2500 where everyone knows everybody else's business and rumors spread faster than wildfire?  How did Gloria find out?  I called my other two friends who both said they hadn't told anyone.  

Big sigh!  I really wanted Grandma to hear it from us so she needed to be told soon.  I felt like an unwed pregnant teenager afraid to tell her parents.  

Keith solved the problem. We went out for pizza with Grandma that night.  She commented that mutual friends had just had their sixth baby and had caught up with us. 

 Keith couldn't resist and blurted out, "Not for long."

"Gasp! You don't mean . . .”

"Yep.  I do mean.  Sometime near the end of September."

That put the kabosh on polite conversation for the rest of dinner.  Keith had wisely told her in the best place possible.  Being a deeply principled person, she wouldn’t dream of getting angry or upset in a public place.   

What a relief to finally spill the beans.  I knew she didn't approve, and things would be temporarily strained, but we no longer had to fear that she’d find out from the local rumor mill.

We were just in time. That night, Keith's Mom went to choir practice at her church which was a different one than ours. Her Pastor's wife said, "I hear your son's family is expecting again."

           

Good grief!  How in the world did she know?  We didn't run in the same circles.  As far as I knew, she wasn't friends with the lady who had spread the rumor around our church. I shouldn't have been so bothered, but it was the principle of the thing.   

When I complained about this unfair rumor mill, Keith explained that everyone would talk about us, but not for long.  Next week they’d talk about someone else. Sure enough, it's been many years since our seventh pregnancy was headline news.

 

Thankfully Grandma loves babies. She loved Lani from the day she was born. I wasn't able to nurse Lani and Grandma loved when we'd leave Lani with her. She'd rock her and hold her until we came back. Over the years she read books, made grilled cheese sandwiches, baked cookies, knitted mittens and slippers, played card games, and watched TV with Lani. Grandma loved all her grandchidren. It just took her awhile to get used to the idea of seven of them being in one family. 

Lani chose to spend this birthday in Duluth. We'll load the big red van with five sisters and a friend and start her next year of life off right. 

Happy Birthday, Sweetie

(If you want to read another post about Lani's birth, click here.