Delayed Reaction

A friend asked the other day what emotions I have about Erica graduating.

At the time I was one quarter ways down the first page of a two page to-do list.

I said, none at the moment. My emotions are usually delayed because I focus on what needs done at the time so don't have time to deal with them. Usually two weeks later it all hits me.

But the question stayed with me. After chewing on it a bit, I feel:

1. Relief I'm no longer responsible for her education. She was not a good student. She's a smart kid but didn't like school.

2. Thankful for her good qualities - she's sensitive, friendly, open, witty, affectionate, has a fun sense of humor, is good with kids, words, and photography.

3. Not Thankful for her bad qualities.

4. Sentimental - I look back over her life and remember her as a sweet little girl. It's fun to see her grow up and watch her personality develop. Lots of good memories.

5. Regret - Wishing I had done or not done certain things. Wishing I had loved her better and been a better Mom. Hoping I haven't put any stumbling blocks in her path. Wanting to do the right thing, but not sure I did.

6. Proud - On her good days, she's a great kid. I mean, who else would take a graduation picture on top of her family's 1993 eight seater Ford passenger van?

7. Frustrated that the end product is out of my control. No matter how good a job I did or didn't do, she has a part in the outcome. Even if I always said or did the right thing, she has a choice. I can lead her to spiritual and educational water but I can't make her drink.

When I do a scrapbook page, or write something, or work on a slide show or paint a room and if I take my time and do it right, it should turn out. But kids aren't like that. It's not a given that with the right ingredients the recipe always works.

8. Worry/Fear - As Cat Stevens used to sing, "It's a wild world." There's a lot of bad things in the world and I wish I could keep her from all of it. I don't want her to fall into any holes. I don't want her to fall away.

9. Hope - I hope she'll be okay and that she's prepared for the future. That she'll choose a life of faith, want good things, and be a stable, steady, responsible law-abiding adult. That she'll walk in the truth and value the things of God. That she'll stay connected to family. That she'll stay pure and marry a Christian man, have good friends, be a good mother, bless others, and have a good life.

10. Trust - I know God loves her more than I do. He understands her and has a plan for her life. He knows the beginning from the end. He knows her name and has promised to give her a hope and a future. He is her shelter, hope, deliverer, helper, counselor, teacher, comforter, light, and guide. I can trust God with my daughter's life.

So while it's nice seeing my children grow up, it's happy/sad/scary/thrilling/enjoyable/not much fun all at the time.

Someone else asked how I feel about my son getting married, but that's a post for another day.

~Only fear the Lord and serve Him in truth with all your heart; for consider what great things He has done for you.~ --I Samuel 12:24--