Saturday, December 26, 2009

Late Night Thoughts

This was our first year without the oldest three kids home for Christmas, and we didn't like it, not one bit. I try telling myself, that I'm okay with them being gone on other days. But at Christmas, when many people are with their families, I want to be with mine. Even knowing that two of them will come home next week, didn't help. It just wasn't Christmas without them.

I felt sad too, because my parents and three siblings don't get together. It's been 20 years since we were all together.

So while I'm thankful for my kids who are still home, and thankful for friends, good health, and many blessings, I still feel sad.

I read this quote in the novel If I Gained the World by Linda Nichols that sums up how I'm feeling.

p. 176 - "What was it about Christmas that caused such a mix of beauty and pain? Maybe it was the very meaning of the holiday. The baby born to die. Maybe there was no separating the joy from the sorrow. Perhaps it was a mistake to try."

I have much to be thankful for and I am. God has been so good to us. But come next Wednesday when Andrew, Rachel, and Kiah come home, we will have a good time. Or else.


  1. There was something different about Christmas for me too. Got the gifts..whew. That is a feat. Read the Scripture. Saw "The Nativity Story" which is excellent. Krista wasn't here, but I sent her a box, and her stocking and she seemed busy and ok.

    But something just made me want to be done with it, and not talk about it.

    Trent was here, and he loves Christmas. He is nearly 25 and still comes here early in the morning for gift opening! That's cool.

    I hold it all lightly. It's been a season of letting go and of bittersweet glances back in time. A season of pondering, as Mary did in her heart. She did not know what she was in for. She quietly trusted and did "the next thing". She stayed humble and clung to God.

    So I constantly, as you, gather up my list upon list of thankfulnesses so that my attitude won't become focused downward. Will keep you in prayer. Will ask God to do the work in this "winter season", and increase our hope and courage for the "spring", whatever it brings; even if it is different.

  2. Whew Angie... I feel your pain! This year was our first also without our kids being home for Christmas. Not even a holiday function at our home! I try to remind myself that we were blessed to travel to see our son before Christmas and spent Christmas Eve with our daughter, but it is not the same. Something that I need to get used too...

    Hang in there and draw strength the knowledge that we have healthy & happy children!

    (((HUGS))) and Happy New Year!

  3. I am NOT looking forward to the day that my kids might not be around for christmas. Maybe I'll just tell them they HAVE to be here.........OR ELSE!!!!

  4. Holidays without our oldest daughter are right around the corner. I think this was our last one as a family unit.